you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
