why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
