so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
