Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
