I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
