Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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