when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All I want is dick and wine.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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