Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
