it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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