New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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