me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize