too bad you live with your parents still
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ok first of all what the fuck
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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