**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
