I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
