So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
