The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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