he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize