Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
