I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
