Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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