First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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