small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
