what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
