All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
