he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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