After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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