I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize