the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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