i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize