At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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