Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
