Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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