I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
