I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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