I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
