if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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