Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
