after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
