I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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