new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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