i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
