I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
