You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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