I didn't shave. On purpose
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
