he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
