So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
