We won't sleep together?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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