Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
