At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's the barista slut.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
