If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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