I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
