it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
