it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
handjob tips. give me some.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Vodka?
Forever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
