Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
