So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
