we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
