just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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