So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
