When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
