Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
