R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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