I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
