i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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