Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
