She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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