A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize