going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
