i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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