What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
