I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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