remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
