I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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