They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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