Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
