so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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