i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
