I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
