we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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