I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
