there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
